Saturday, November 7, 2009

New Meritocracy

Hey, Scouts! We know that there's dwindling interest in our activities of late, what with all those bloodthirsty video games and such.

Heck, sometimes we Scoutmasters find ourselves engaging in a little Resident Evil™ every now and again--just to blow off steam after the most recent Jamboree.

Still, we must compete in order to maintain some sort of relevancy in today's world. So, we're offering a handful of exciting, new badges for you to shoot for.

So put down that game controller, take an extra dose of Ritalin, and let's get crackin'!


Overview: Got some new electronic equipment sitting around the house, still in its original packaging? Or maybe you just happen to "know a guy" (perhaps an industrious, higher-ranking scout). Well, get that merch together and start selling it out of your garage, back porch, bedroom--or anywhere else out of direct line of sight.

Requirements for badge: Obtain, rebox and sell $2,000 worth of merchandise in 2 consecutive weeks' time. Then dismantle your "store", move to another location and sell $2, 000 more. No badge awarded if caught. However, feel free to contact the Scout Bail-Bond Posting division if you do.


Overview: Sports are fun and gambling is addictive--let's parlay that relationship into some income. Help those who are interested in sports get more (or better yet, less) out of the experience. Just field a few phone calls, keep an up-to-date spreadsheet and make sure the cash flows mostly "up-stream", if you know what we mean.

Requirements for badge: Obtain unlisted phone number only to be known to others by word-of-mouth. Establish and manage database of at least 50 "clients". Use elementary math to derive a ratio of chance-of-losing to chance-of-winning (e.g., 5 to 1). Create favorable terms to assist those who need to pay over time (favorable to you , that is). Having difficulty retrieving what is owed to you? You may want to sign up for our next merit badge,


Overview: What's yours is yours. It was rightfully acquired (well, rightfully might not be the proper word in this situation...). Hey, you have a business to run; don't let the welchers bring it down.

Requirements for badge: Establish a "team" of willing "players" who enjoy challenges, particularly physical ones. Although intelligence is not crucial (or even desirable) for these agents of your fortune, some knowledge of the human anatomy (particularly which parts of it break both easily and painfully) is recommended. Then, have your henchmen recoup 110% of what is owed to you. The extra 10% is the "convenience fee" for your "services".

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