Saturday, October 24, 2009

College Football Pre-Game

Biff: Hey, college football fans!  Welcome to the big game between State and Tech.  And you don't need me to tell you--this one's for all the marbles.

But first, I'd like to introduce you to my partner in the booth, former State standout, Bonecrusher Smith.  Bonecrusher...

Bonecrusher:  Thanks, Biff.  And you're right, this IS for all the marbles.  There will be no sharing of marbles at this game.

Biff:  No, indeedy-doo!  So how do you handicap this game, Bonecrusher?

Bonecrusher:  Well, Biff.  As you know, they don't allow handicapped people to play in college football.  Actually, I think it's rather discrimina--

Biff:  No, B.C.  I mean, what pre-game analysis do you have for us?

Bonecrusher:  I told you never to mention my years in therapy, Biff.

Biff:  Too many games without a helmet, B.C.?

Bonecrusher:  How did you know?

Biff:  Moving on.  What do you see as the single biggest issue facing these teams prior to the game?

Bonecrusher:  Well.  I think that the team who scores the most points before the end of the game has the greatest chance of winning it.

Biff:  Great insight, B.C.  And just who do you think has the greatest chance of doing THAT?

Bonecrusher:  How should I know, Biff?  The game hasn't even started yet.  What do you think I am, prescient?

Biff:  Big word, B.C.  I see someone showed up to class one day.

Bonecrusher:  You bet; I remember that day well.  And speaking of which, why didn't you get me a prescient for my birthday?  It was last month, you know.

Biff:  Which brings me back to that helmet.  Was it made out of cardboard or something?  Oh dear, our pre-game discussion has extended itself into the game proper--and we seemed to have missed a few plays.  State currently leads Tech by a score of 73-0.

Bonecrusher:  You know, Biff, that if the game ended right now, State probably would have the greatest chance of winning it.  Is that what you needed before?

Biff:  I really need for you to shut up now, B.C.

6 comments:

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I remember years ago watching a pre-game show where some moron said "In order to win this one, State is going to have to outscore Tech"."

No shit, Sherlock.

Dave said...

You know you're in trouble when the collective IQ in the booth still remains below 100.

Jeff said...

I watched College Gameday this morning and I can tell anyone who didn't see it, you can pretty much catch up on everything by reading Dave's post. So true, which is why it's so funny.

On a related note, I witnessed the following actual exchange during the show.

Lee Corso: Arkansas will lose today. They shot their wad last week.

Kirk Herbstriet: Are we allowed to say that?

Dave said...

Boy, isn't that closing the door after the horses ran out?

KaLynn said...

You have me laughin for sure this morning!

Dave said...

KaLynn: Thanks for coming by. I update weekly. Or weakly. Depending on who you ask.