Journal: What I Did On My September Vacation

Many of you have been wondering (OK, one of you...Mom) what I was doing during in the month of September instead of updating this award-winning blog. Not that it has already won any awards, but I do not know how to conjugate verbs into the hopeful tense.



But I digress.

In short, I decided to pursue some of my other interests. And since you asked (again...Mom), I thought that I might present a journal of my "other-than-blogging" experiences.




I finally cashed in on the opportunity to make an important speech on a topic I knew absolutely nothing about.








I finally ran in the far lesser-known, "Chasing of the Bulls" in Pamplona.

I finally realized my dream of jumping out of an airplane with nothing more than an anvil. You can't see me in this picture as I fell much faster than the others in my group.




[At this point, I was forced to take 2 weeks off to heal. Who knew?]

I finally found out if an XBOX 360 controller can fit down an 11-year-old's mouth after an unsuccessful, marathon tournament of Super Mario Kart.



 

I finally built a machine that has no practical use. Or way to turn it on.

I finally succeeded in my quest to conquer time travel. I closed my eyes one afternoon, and when I reopened them, it was 20 minutes later. The Future!

Summer Memories

I found a letter that I wrote to my parents stuck between pages of my dia—er, Journal. I obviously wrote it during my one-and-only summer attending sleepaway camp. Check it out.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know it was your idea that I go away this summer, so I thought I would write and let you know how it is all working out for me.

You thought that it would be good to commune with nature. Well, I have to say that I certainly have had that opportunity. In fact, yesterday I communed with approximately 75 bees when I stepped on their nest. What even made it doubly exciting was when I subsequently communed with all that poison ivy while rolling around in abject pain.

This might be a good time to mention that our Camp Infirmary is rather tastefully decorated.

You also thought that I might enjoy some of the activities going on in camp. Well, I must admit that they do keep us busy. I can’t wait until it’s my turn to do the hiding in the daily installment of the ever-popular, “Hide The Underwear” game—although the others keep trying to convince me that my role is the most fun. Hmmmm.

Swimming in a lake is a very different kind of experience than swimming in a pool. For example, did you know that at least 15 other species of animal share the lake with us? I'm not sure if that snake was much into sharing, however. But on the bright side, I was told it probably was not poisonous.

Did I mention that the Camp Infirmary is rather tastefully decorated? Or that anti-venom serum is somewhat tasty?

You’ll be happy to know that I have met some really interesting people in camp. Still don’t know why the call him “Sitonyourface Sam”, but the others tell me that that mystery will be revealed to me soon. Real soon. Perhaps as early as tomorrow at sun-up. Oh, the anticipation—I love mysteries.

I’m sure you’re worried that I might not be eating well, with that institutionalized food and all. Heh, it’s kind of ironic that I used the word “institutionalized”. Especially when one considers that our chef goes by 3 names and has a habit of lovingly caressing the knives before he begins to prepare each meal.

And just where are those cats I saw when I first arrived, anyway?

Anyway, that’s about it. As you can see, camp life does have some bright points.

Still, I don’t think I’ll be working here again next summer.

Your Son,
Dave

Smells Like Teen....Perspiration

While cleaning out the laundry room, I came across my old High School diary (OK—”journal”; diaries are for girls). In any event, I thought I would share my entries for 1 fateful day during the spring semester of my Junior year. Check it out:



Monday, 7:45am
Just got to school and saw S. Man, I like her. I wonder if she likes me and would go to the dance with me on Friday. I better find out; I will ask my friend to ask her friend to ask her if she would be willing to go to the dance with me.

Monday 8:12am
My friend reports back: Her friend told my friend to tell me, “Ask her yourself!”. Hmph.

Monday 10:02am
After getting beaten up in the 2nd floor bathroom, I arrive only 5 minutes late to Chemistry class. As luck would have it, the only available seat is right behind S. I intentionally drop my pencil next to her, but before I can bend over to pick it up, she intentionally kicks it about 15 feet to the right. I consider this "a minor setback”. Unfortunately, since I no longer have a pencil, I also get marked for being “unprepared”.

Monday 12:30pm
Lunchtime. I convince myself not to sit next to S. It’s all good because I have to pick up the tray of food I dropped immediately after leaving the food line.

Monday 2:37pm
I finally corner S. at her locker. I ask her, “Do you wanna go to the dance with me on Friday?” She asks, “Can you dance?” I shoot back, “That’s really besides the point, don’t you think?” Quick reflexes allow me to avoid the swinging locker door as she marches off.

Monday 2:55pm
I see S. meet up with B., a rather large boy who I might have met earlier on in the 2nd floor bathroom. No matter. I have more important things to do—like listening to my favorite album, Country Life by Roxy Music, and closely inspecting the album cover for important recording information.







Ah, youth.