The Little Program That Couldn’t

It has been said that for every program that actually makes it on TV, at least 10 first-episodes (or pilots, in the vernacular) have been cast aside into oblivion before ever being aired.

So, from among the wanna-bees, never-have-beens and also-rans, here are 5 such shows, each complete with a snippet of dialogue to let you know what you’ve been missing...






1. CSI, Boise

Investigator 1: What did he die from?
Investigator 2: (after consultation with Medical Examiner) He was old.
Investigator 1: Case solved.
[Cue Theme: only Who song remaining never to have been used in franchise]





2. Real Housewives of Nome, Alaska

Janice: Sherri, your Uggs are to die for! And that head-to-toe fur with the big hood--I could claw your eyes out!
Sherri: Uh, it’s me--Nanuk. Sherri’s husband.




3. The Biggest Shmoozer

Coach: C'mon you wimp, work it! Work...That...Room!
Contestant 1: Hey there, nice tan! Is that your wife or is that your daughter? Didn’t I see you in the Hamptons last season? Now how about that big, fat, government contract?




4. America’s Next Top Model Citizen

Contestant 1: Today I waited patiently in line, properly displayed the American flag, sorted my neighbor’s recycling and crossed only at the green signal.
Contestant 2: B*tch!!







5. American Idle

Ryan Seacrest: He’s been completely inert for 4 hours, ladies and gentleman.
Randy: Cool.
Simon: I hated it.
Paula: [random, incomprehensible jibberish]
Female Judge who is not Paula: I think he’s dead.
All: You’re going to Hollywood!!!