Friday, June 19, 2009

Field Guide Entry #143

Scientific Name:
Adolescus Ridiculous n.
Common Name: Teenage Female


Found near commercial areas; generally avoids flora and fauna, particularly insects and small rodents

Brightly colored; frequently shiny

Social Behavior:
Stands and/or travels in herds—particularly when eliminating waste

Feeding Behavior:
Pizza, french fries—
or nothing
(God, I look fat!)

Grooming Behavior:
Engages too frequently to be accurately recorded

Verbal Communication—Most often heard:

Ugh!!--Usually uttered when confronted with food
(Translation: That for dinner again?!);

Aaaargh!!--Usually uttered when confronted in den
(Translation: Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?!);

Fine!!--Usually uttered after confrontation with parental units
(Translation: So, you think you won this argument?!);

--Usually uttered while prone in nest
(Translation: 5 more minutes.);

Whatever...--Frequently uttered at end of vocalizations
(Translation: Communication over. I dominate.);

Like...—Frequently uttered at beginning, middle and end of vocalizations
(Translation: unknown).

Nonverbal Communication—Most often seen:

Translation: You didn’t just say that, did you Dad?

Observer’s Note:
Some have argued that Adolescus Ridiculous n. are capable of written language, usually through use of opposable thumbs. However, closer investigation of these written “messages” (e.g., OMG, LOL, ROFLMAO, etc.) strongly suggests a mere random use of letters.

Mating Behavior: Don’t even think of it!


MP said...

HA! I am dreading that! They have started with the traveling in packs and have never ever gone to the bathroom alone. So it looks like the rest is coming my way also.

Heather Cherry said...

This daughter of yours sounds like an interesting specimen, Dave.

Shawn said...

Depending on the species, I've observed a high amount of giggling, even though nothing at all humorous has been said or seen.

Jeff said...

Speaking as someone who is interested in nature (for scientific purposes) I will have to keep an eye out for this specimen (for scientific purposes).

Dave said...

MP: The future is NOW, my friend.

Heather: "Interesting"? That's an interesting choice of words.

Shawn: 'Giggling' (as you call it) has also been known as a means to attract the opposite sex--similar to the method used by the common warbler. Please see my not on mating behavior, however.

Shawn: Please stay away from this species. I have no desire to bail you out, if you know what I mean.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Just curious, when are these animals "in season".

Dave said...

Chris: Spoken like a true education administrator. Unfortunately, they're protected. However, should there be a population explosion...

Jeff said...

Dave, it's for purely sociological research. That's why I watched "Mean Girls."

Denise said...

I know one all too well and you sure have it nailed.

Dave said...

Denise: Comes from years of waiting quietly in the bushes and watching closely. Wait...why do I hear police sirens?