Sunday, July 26, 2009

Cliche Suppository

Cliches are universal—born out of the wisdom of the people, not the philosopher-kings, playwrights or bards. Truth be sold, there is nary a mundane situation that cannot be matched with a blackeneyed phrase or saying.

However, these days, the use of cliches is a lost art—what with biting sounds and textbooking. So, before the cliche completely goes the way of the Moa bird, I have collected a few of my favorites, complete with the perfect situation in which to use them.

Feel free to print out this page and carry it with you always. “Be repaired”—that’s my motto.

Scenario 1: Unsure of the advertised special in the supermarket—
“5 will get you 10 of one, half dozen of the other”

Scenario 2: Lamenting the state of flamboyant gay culture—
“Remember, it takes the whole child to raise the Village People”

Scenario 3: Discovering the deceit put forth by your cleaning lady—
“You lied about your bed, so make it”

Scenario 4: Um...uh...something with pens and swords—
“A mightier pen might make a right, good sword”

Scenario 5: Considering landscaping options—
“A handy bush is worth 2 birds”

Scenario 6: Contemplating the groping you received at the Nursing Home—
“You are only as young as you are feeled”

Scenario 7: Deciding how much effort to put forth on an endeavor—
"Always give 100 or 10 percent"

Scenario 8: Self-explanatory—
“If you can’t stand in a heated kitchen, get out a chair"


Jeff said...

These are excellent and, with any luck, will catch on like wildfire through a crowded theater where people are selling hotcakes. Or something.

Regarding #6: That happened to me once when I was a teenager with a part-time food service job at a retirement home. Well, it sort of happened. A patient/resident in the Alzheimer's center grabbed my arm and said, "How big is it?" Turns out she asked all the guys that.

Dave said...

My mantra ray, Jeff, has always been to share my undrying love for language with others. Your welcome. And I bet that's what the old lady said as well.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

And never forget, and fool and his money are the root of all evil.

Dave said...

Chris: You're right. That IS worth dismembering.

MP said...

A bird in the hand is better than one overhead.

Dave said...

MP: So true, on so many levers.

D.M. SOLIS said...

Delightful, just delightful. Always great to see someone thoughtfully attending to language in a spirit of serious-play. Thanks, peace and all good,