Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Adult Edukation

The addage is “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. But this begs the question, “Why don’t we just leave old dogs alone—aren’t they tired?”

Older people, on the other hand, need mental stimulation. If only to stave off Oatmeal-On-The-Chin syndrome. But a figurative taser to the synapses does not have to wait until one is “old”. Nay, education for adults can begin even a few short hours after the college mortarboard is flung into the air.

Or sooner, if the registration check clears quickly enough.

A recent perusal through an Adult Education Catalog turned up several worthwhile courses. Feel free to copy down the course codes and send the aforementioned registration check to my off-shore bank account. Consider that your first life lesson.

Humanities H35—Introduction to Introductions

6 sessions; Sunday 8-9am; $250

Do you know what to say first when you encounter your spouse’s boy/girlfriend of the opposite/same sex? Or when meeting the evil dictator of a 3rd World Nation? Or the polkadot elephant after taking 1 too many of the pink pills? In this course, we will help you through those awkward first few minutes and have you embarrassing yourself during the “meat” of the conversation in no time.

Computer Science C53—Hacking without Coughing

6 sessions; Friday 1-2:30am; $500

Large corporations are inherently evil. The evil nature of the average shmo at home is vastly underestimated. Bring them all to their knees and gain access to their private data. Like user databases, credit card numbers and pictures of their trips to the Grand Canyon. Due to the clandestine nature of this course, classes will be held in the dark in an undisclosed location. Good Luck!

Mathematics M71—What’s Your Angle?

6 sessions; Tuesday 4:15-6:15pm; $180°

Applying geometry and trigonometry in the everyday world. For example, how do you distinguish between right and wrong angles? Where in the city can you find the best pi? How do you use a compass to find your way in the woods; i.e., in which direction do you place the steel, pointy thing? How do you avoid going off on a tangent during presentations? All of these questions will be addressed. Some of them will actually be answered.


Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I always wondered about those wrong angles. And I'm always going off on tangents, like that time my parents took us camping in the woods and the raccoons kept getting into our food so we ended up eating nothing but Dinty Moore beef stew because the 'coons couldn't open the cans.

Dave said...

You sir, are in need of some advlt edvcation.

How stupid those Romans were. They couldn't even spell.

Jeff said...

Dave, the whole thing was great, but the first paragraph was really laugh-out-loud funny. (And not just because it was free, as opposed to the subsequent paragraphs.) I'm cheap.

Dave said...

Thanks, Jeff. I'm experimenting with a new writing style that includes 95% of the content in the denouement.


Jeff said...

I'm sorry, but I do not discuss anything about the duodenum in public.

Dave said...

Jeff: I just had to look that up. And I must say, Ewwwww.