Blistering Pines

Are you burnt out? Stressed out? Have you been thrown out? Then you, my friend, are entitled to the vacation of a lifetime--here at Blistering Pines. Centrally located, it is an hour’s drive from anywhere.

When we say, “centrally located”, we obviously mean it.









The Rooms.
We here at Blistering Pines understand that some of our patrons have, er, active imaginations. So we present our newly renovated “Fantasy Rooms”. Not only does this one come with a safe; it also comes with its own safe word:"Holy Bejeebus, that hurts!". Good thing our Medic is on call 24/7.





The Ammenities.
The restorative, nay preservative, benefits of hot tar has been well documented since about 10,000 BC.

So, don’t be a weenie, jump right in! Of this we are sure, once you decide to take the plunge—you're gonna have a tough time leaving!





The Activities.
Blistering Pines specializes in all of your favorite forms of extreme sports—including but not limited to—summer skiing, javelin catching (left), and the ever-popular Swimming With The Sharks.

One proviso: if you should decide to partake of the last-named, please listen carefully to all instructions given to you by our shark wrangler, “Lefty”.






The Food.
Sample our local cuisine here at Blistering Pines—it’s next to none!

Really, who would want to be next to it?










The Staff.
A friendly staff at Blistering Pines is waiting to attend to your every need. Around the clock. Sometimes at night. In your room. Silently. Staring.

Bet you never received attention like that! (Takes a while getting used to, doesn’t it?)







So make that call today! Remember what we here at Blistering Pines always say:

Reservations? Oh, you’ll definitely have those!