Saturday, March 14, 2009

Sooper Dooper Upgrade

With the recent movie releases of Iron Man, The Hulk, Spiderman, Dark Knight, Watchmen, etc., it is apparent that the superhero (and supervillian) are back in vogue. However, all of the superheroes and villains showing up in the theaters these days are rather, shall we say, long in the tooth (i.e., they old).

What we need now is a brand new cast of characters for the relatively new millennium. And I am happy to report that I have filled this need. But due to a lack of creativity (and time...and inclination...and attention sp—ooh, what was that??), I didn't make them up from scratch. Rather, I used our current crop for inspiration, and made minor improvements wherever possible:





The Shadow (with the ability to cloud men's minds), replaced with






Weatherman Man (with the ability to cloud men’s skies)







Superman (Man of Steel), replaced with







Bolgerman (Man of Tin)








Hellboy (Demon-hero of the comic-geek set), replaced with






Heckboy (Demon-hero of the politically-correct set)








The Mighty Thor (God of Thunder), replaced with








The Mighty Bore (God of Blunder)





And let’s not forget the bad guys:




The Clown Prince of Crime, replaced with








The Clown Prince of Music

4 comments:

Michael Beyer said...

Funny! All the superhero movies have gotten me thinking, too. What if you were given a super power, but it wasn't all that super....more like a decent power. Like the ability to withstand water temperatures up to, say, 170 degrees Farhenheit. Or the ability to see in the dark, but only things that are purple. You know, nothing too extraordinary, that would mostly go unnoticed.

Dave said...

OK, but to extend your idea--what would the resulting costume be? Perhaps not a true costume at all, but "street clothes" with unfaded colors and freshly-pressed creases.

Adam said...

Adam's Top Ten Rejected Super Villains:

10) The Ovulator

9) Mister Scab

8) The Thighmaster

7) Captain Xerox

6) The French Tickler

5) Doctor Proctology

4) The Dirt Devil

3) Baron Von Vivisection

2) Maniac Mime

1) The Diaper Genie

Dave said...

Brilliant, Adam--However I cannot believe you forgot The Stickler--with his hell-bent mission to have all of mankind follow 1 particular set of rules.